Free when I fly

I have been MIA

What can I say? 

The life of an optimistic and addiction fueled woman is no crying shame.

I have never left the country let alone the state. 

If it was up to me I would never change.

I have lost chunks of time and convinced myself they must be memories not worthy of taking up space in my mind.

I went on a dope binge.

I went on a coke binge-to counteract my fatigue.

My pupils were pinpricks 

like only a dope fiend bitch 

could understand. 

My pupils were saucers

like machines from outer space.

The kind a fellow tweaker could understand-after they’ve cleaned the white powder off the table with their face.

I am real when I am high.
I am free when I fly.

Eternally I shall soar across the open sky.

My love my drugs and I.

Misfit Mystic

I am here to proclaim that I have NO APOLOGIES.

I refuse to apologize for who I am.

I refuse to apologize for being something that someone else does not care for.

I refuse to let the days of yesteryear follow me blindly to the future and guide me by fear.

I am here to rallly all my fellow misfits. To scream at them (inspirationly of course!) to quit crying about being different. 

I am in love with being authentic. 

Some people are just too damn simplistic to understand the heart and soul of a true misfit.

And really they can only understand things from their level of perception and consciousness. Ignorance is bliss. 

But I would much rather be crazy as shit and say fuck you to those who judge. 

Because weirdness and I will forever be in love.

20 facts about trippy Nikki 

I was ever so inspired by all these wonderful bloggers who did a list like this. I think it’s a grand idea! 🙂 thanks guys! 

So here goes!
1) I believe I am not a human. I have always felt my soul originated from somewhere else. I am convinced I am half alien half mermaid. 

2) I have never doubted the existence of mythical creatures I used to go fairy catching. In high school they made fun of me but I maintain my beliefs to this day!

3) I am a survivor of abuse-verbal physical and sexual. But it is the verbal abuse that has truly stuck with me all these years.

4) I am no contact with my abuser. My mom. For 3 years now. And I will never go back.

5) because of my estrangement from mother I also have not spoken to my 2 brothers in 3 years or my stepfather. I stayed to endure abuse so my brothers wouldn’t have to. It hurts but I understand and wish them no harm.

6) I am and always have been funny as fuck. The funniest person I know.

7) I am a feminist.

8) I lost my best friend of 15 years to heroin. But that was a long time ago.

9) I have struggles with addiction for years on and off. I always seem to teeter on the line of causal use and full blown addict. Mostly coke adderall and downers. But opiates have always been my true weakness.

10) I am a marijuana enthusiast I believe it expands the mind beyond our simple dimension.

11) spirits have been speaking to me since I was 5 years old.

12) I have no idea who my biological father is. My mother refuses to tell. But I have been searching and there’s been a few breaks in the case.

13) I have never broken a bone.

14) I hate working a menial job I refuse to bow down to the man and will only work under the table or for myself.

15) I am so incredibly happily married. He is my other half my twin flame and I believe we are two parts of one soul he is the masculine to my feminine.

16) I believe God is a woman. I worship both the god and goddess but I believe the origin of all creation is female.

17) I am a natural blonde.

18) I can sing 🙂 

19) I have always wanted to be an author. I used to write me own books as young as 6 years old.

20) My full name is Nicole Elizabeth but I have been Nikki for as long as I remember. I barley answer to Nicole.

Untitled Poem

There is this innate ability inside of you. It hides in the deepest and darkest

And quite often unvisited crevices of your psyche.

It is up to you if you so chose to let your inner light shine.

As hard as you try

You can only close two eyes.

And the one that lies inside remains open wide.

The angel on my shoulder is so annoylingy motivating. She screams for me to 

TRY.TRY.TRY.

But the devil is so tempting she sits so seductively on the other side. She howls a different tune 

GET HIGH.HIGH.HIGH.HIGH.

Fluctuations between wisdom and weeping

I am encased in bliss and my former self is seething.

I suppose I should be filled with gratitude for it is a miracle I am still breathing.

Lush

Lush-doesn’t it sound so dreamy so unattainably sensual?

Lush-like my body. A vessel of the feminine divine. A goddess in disguise.

Lush-like the forest of green beneath the snow and deadened trees.

Lush-like my mother. A monster disguised as rolling curves and luscious lips.

Lush-like my step father. Who is actually a fucking lush. 

Lush-like my husband. Who fills me with bliss at his touch.💜
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/lush/

Road home 

I have learned that the road home
is not always paved with sunshine and rainbows. 

Try heartache

meaningless sex.

and razors paired with baggies. 

There is betrayal 

There is infidelity 

and tunes with no melody

But it is the former that gives us hope. 

Keep your eye on those. 

But never forget there would be no road if it weren’t for the storm that must come 

before the clouds make way for the brilliant and shining sun ⛈🌞🌈

Set it free

If you are having issues with forgiveness or the ever changing relationships in your life..try this:

Write it out. Acknowledge it. And the most important part is to acknowledge what you have LEARNED from this person/relationships.

Dear,who the fuck ever fucked with you.😂

Thank you for the lesson I wish you well. But stay the fuck away from me because I’ve set this memory free.  

Love me